CELL | SANCTUARY AND PRISON

You Reading This, Be Ready

Starting here, what do you want to remember?
How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?
What scent of old wood hovers, what softened
sound from outside fills the air?

Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now? Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?

When you turn around, starting here, lift this
new glimpse that you found; carry into evening
all that you want from this day. This interval you spent
reading or hearing this, keep it for life –

What can anyone give you greater than now,
starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?

By William Stafford

My wife and I made our way to Korea on May 7. As is the case for all incoming foreign nationals with a short term stay (less than 3 months), we were herded (in some cases literally) through the entire customs and the COVID protocol and ultimately landed in a hotel room for a 2 week mandatory quarantine until May 21. The unexpected? My wife and I are separated into two separate rooms! This possibility never entered my mind. What ungodly and unjust system is this! Nevertheless, it has become a reality in the last 10 days. Thus I am in my own small hotel room, I mean “cell.” True, this is a very “luxurious cell” with all the technology, perks, and comforts. It is no cave, to be sure. This is undoubtedly a newfangled and fascinating experience I have not experienced before. So this blog post is about what I have processed and reflected in the last 10 days or so. 

daniele-buso-QFgPjdGfpfE-unsplash.jpg

“Go, sit in your cell, and your cell will teach you everything.” Abba Moses, one of the great Desert Fathers in the 4th century, advised one of his followers. I suppose there are multiple different ways to define what cell refers to. In early Christianity, cell was an actual cave, place, or a rudimentary room for radical ascetic hermits. Most of these cells were self-sustaining; they could survive days and even years, provided someone from the outside supplied them with food. 

Centuries later, Saint Francis developed a compelling application of this “cell.” “Wherever we are, wherever we go, we bring our cell with us. Our brother body is our cell and our soul is the hermit living in the cell. If our soul does not live in peace and solitude within this cell, of what avail is it to live in a man-made cell?” What a profound application!

For me, this “cell” has felt like sanctuary and prison. Sometimes a sanctuary, sometimes a prison. . . Sanctuary means safety and protection. It also connotes temporal reprieve, as life cannot be lived only in a sanctuary. Prison means strict restrictions and loss of freedom, which is identical to my situation. Interestingly, it felt more like a prison initially, and I find myself moving toward this cell becoming more of a sanctuary. I still have my bursts of restlessness and bouts of head-spinning craziness, but so far, no full-on hyper-ventilating episode. Maybe it will come. . . but I am not holding my breath!

IMG_0252.jpeg

Here are a couple of musings so far. 

“Time is life itself,” Richard Rohr said. Time moves slower in this “cell.” I noticed myself becoming far more restless when I began thinking about the number of days to go. My mind would check out of this cell while my body was still here. The discrepancy of my mind’s activity and my body’s awareness created restlessness and angst, especially on the 2nd and the 3rd days. Over time, I learned to focus on the life that was unfolding right in front of me and right in this cell, rather than to be fixated on the day of freedom. I salivate just imagining all the Korean food I can eat! With supreme irony, the freedom I was desiring was imprisoning me. A few days ago, in my cell, I discovered (through Parker Palmer’s Facebook post) the poem above by Stafford, and the invitation was lucid. Stafford’s question, “What can anyone give you greater than now, starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?” jolted me out of the funk and sealed the lesson for me, catapulting me toward greater fidelity to the present moment.

Then it occurred to me that a slowed-down life doesn’t mean I am not living an unproductive or unfruitful life. It could be that the complete opposite may be true. Time, or I should say, the present moment, is elusive for me (as I sketched above). I am always fixated on future matters, concerns, and visions. I realized that I was not helping myself by thinking about what to do after I get out of this hole. To maintain minimal sanity and perhaps even enjoyment and full aliveness, I must be fully present in my hole, I mean my cell, one day at a time. 

Practically, this process necessitated developing a daily routine and rhythm. Thankfully, I experienced very little jetlag. My day starts out with a shower, silence, Pray As You Go reflection, and breakfast that is delivered to my door. Only then can I open the door. One time, I opened the door during non-meal hours, and the alarm went off. (Did I tell you this felt more like a prison? I thought the prison guard was going to come and pound me. :) ) Then the highlight of the day: making my own cup of coffee using the hand grinder and the Aeropress I brought from home and enjoying the pure bliss. I murmur to myself, "I am alive." Reading and writing fill the rest of the morning, followed by a lukewarm lunch. By the way, since my wife and I are separated, we decided to zoom and eat meals together and have conversations. In one of the conversations, she told me you should write a blog about what you are learning. So here it is. 

Afternoons consist of further reading and writing and keeping up with emails and text messages as well as workouts. Ever since my children got me an Apple Watch last Christmas, I am somewhat obsessed with closing the 3 exercise/activity rings daily, while my wife would tell you I am very obsessed. Closing the rings means I have to be creative as to how I exercise in a confined hotel room. I am exercising in ways I didn’t think were possible. I am not only doing this for closing the rings but also to pass time and to maintain my sanity. It gives me something productive to do. Occasionally, I would watch the Lakers or the Dodgers, which easily becomes another highlight of the day, especially when they win. After dinner, it is time to get caught up with the news, watch some Korean TV, and/or movies. Fortunately, I have at least one or two zoom calls per day, which move the day forward. 

As reality (or a day) unfolds, I need to let the Big Reality (God) simply take over by turning off or at least recognize my own interior noises, interpretations, and commentaries of reality, which are basically designed to save ego, reputation, and worth. Reality, often, is not the same as my interpretation of reality.

One other lesson: Paying attention to small and immediate things. I sense that this is an overarching invitation from God during this trip. Pay attention to “small” or seemingly less significant conversations, encounters, or people. Even getting to a certain destination, I remind myself that the goal is not the final destination, but that in the process of getting there, I need to “sober up” and pay attention. I notice the muffled noise of the cars whizzing by outside. I am grateful to smell and listen to the spring rain the last two days, almost mimicking the rain lullaby I had forgotten but stored in my childhood memory bank in Korea. The other morning, a bird flew up and thumped the window as if to greet me. Grinding, smelling, and drinking coffee in the mornings has become an important daily ritual. Following my afternoon workout, enjoying the very few pieces of fruit, like one tiny slice of orange, 3 grape tomatoes, and 3 grapes given to us during breakfast (no exaggeration here) has gifted me a small dose of happiness. 3 times a day zoom with my wife and eating meals together and other daily zoom calls have become precious connection to the outside world. 

A series of probing questions Stafford raises provokes me to start right here, right in this room, and right in this moment. I can only live my life in the present moment, neither in the past nor in the future. Only now. . . I also remind myself to be aware of “sunlight, scent, and sound” wherever I may be at that moment in this cell and beyond.

HOSPITALITY | PART 1

When I first read Henri Nouwen’s concept of hospitality in his book, Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life, I was blown away by its simplicity and depth. My soul simply knew it to be true. I then decided to incorporate Nouwen’s concept of hospitality into a paper presentation on the topic of global cooperation of missions. This was back in 2010 for an audience of Asian mission leaders. In retrospect, I was trying to do two things: one, to provide a gentle and subversive critique on how missions had been operating and two, to integrate what my soul knew to be true in my developing contemplative heart with the global stage of missiological engagement and partnership. If it works at a localized relational level, it should work at a global level of relationships, I thought. If it is true “here,” it must also be true “there.” Years later, I am further convinced hospitality is a lost art in spirituality, especially true in our day. We must recover and reclaim the lost art into a living practice. The opposite of hospitality is judgment and control. It is robbing of the foundational freedom, the freedom to be oneself.

Thus, though I wrote the paper for the audience of missions leaders, I think you will find its far reaching applications to all levels of relationships. Wherever people and community are, there should be hospitality at work.

It was a relatively short paper. So I will share it in two parts.

pineapple-supply-co-FoZYN7a9mWE-unsplash.jpg

Global Cooperation as Hospitality: Drawing from Henry Nouwen’s concept of hospitality

In the 15th century, Christopher Columbus brought a strange-looking fruit back to Europe from the island of Guadeloupe. The new fruit looked like an armored pinecone that covered a firm pulp, similar to an apple. The English appropriately named this new fruit, pineapple.  In the Caribbean islands, the pineapple was a symbol of hospitality. The Spanish explorers knew if a pineapple was placed at the entrance of a village, it meant they were welcomed. Today the symbol of pineapple is a global expression of welcome and hospitality. In front of our house back in the U.S., we used to have a welcome mat that had a big imprint of a pineapple!

What is the relationship between hospitality and global cooperation of which we should be mindful? I would like to propose that we approach global cooperation as hospitality--primarily in spirit and in its implied practice.[1] I believe there are some significant connections between hospitality and how we can advance further in global cooperation.

Previous as well as most of current practices in approaching “strategic” missions partnerships or cooperation have mainly been business-like, imported from the business world. While there is much we can learn from such an approach, I propose that we look at global cooperation from the angle of hospitality, which is more organic and natural.  It is organic and natural in that the spirit of hospitality is not only about what we do when we get together in meetings but also attempts to address how we live day to day in interaction with others and other cultures. In short, it is about the lost art of genuine spirituality that is hospitality. Henry Nouwen captures this well, “The term hospitality, therefore, should not be limited to its literal sense of receiving a stranger in our house—although it is important never to forget or neglect that!—but as a fundamental attitude toward our fellow human being, which can be expressed in a great variety of ways” (1975:67). In the long run, what is organic and natural may prove to be more strategic.

Hospitality is nothing new. It is a supra-cultural practice that is universal in nature.[2] The ability to practice hospitality makes a human being a human being.  Hospitality allows us to connect with people and to find our dignity and worth as human beings. Ample biblical stories and examples of hospitality are found in the Old Testament to the New Testament. Again, here is Nouwen, “It is one of the richest biblical terms that can deepen and broaden our insight in our relationships to our fellow human beings.” (1975:66)

The word hospitality derives from the Latin hospes, which is formed from hostis, which originally meant, “to have power”. The word, hospital, comes from the same root word which means a place of shelter and rest for travelers. The practice of sharing tea, humble yet rich, is an expression of providing hospitality to weary travelers and sharing a piece of home. From the ancient Chinese to Indian to Classical to Celtic to the Middle Ages to the less civilized to the modern to “southern hospitality” (that is in the U.S.), hospitality brings decency and dignity of being human beings. Hospitality is more than the combination of words like soft, warm, sweet, kind, cozy, and perhaps even boring. It is a forgotten spirituality, and it is a critical basis for global cooperation and partnership.

In the end, hospitality is an expression of love toward our neighbors. We can express love because God first loved us and welcomed us. The Message translation of the Romans 15:7 reads, “So reach out and welcome one another to God's glory. Jesus did it; now you do it!” Thus, the idea of providing and receiving hospitality is simply an act of obedience to the Great Commandment.

Hospitality is connecting with others. I am tempted to use a phrase like “true hospitality” simply because we have seen “bad”, manipulative, or distorted kinds of hospitality. But I will stick to the simple usage of hospitality, trusting that this is the “true” kind. At the most foundational level, connecting with other human beings is what makes hospitality hospitality. This can happen through sharing food, time, and home. Table fellowship is something we take for granted in the west, generally speaking. However, it is such an intimate act of fellowship elsewhere. All cultures represented in the Bible took this table fellowship very seriously. The early church described in the Book of Acts centered around table fellowships in real-life contexts. Communion was sharing real meals. And this was important enough that Apostle Paul made a fair share of warnings and exhortations as to what not to do and what to do in sharing real meals.


[1] At the end of my presentation, I would like to receive input and feedback as to what some practical applications might be or whether the concept of hospitality in the context of global cooperation is worth pursuing.

[2] Various cultures may have different motivating factors, from honor, shame, reciprocity, and even guilt. Whatever the motivation might be, the practice of hospitality is ubiquitous and generally considered very important.

ALTERNATIVES | PART 1

Before I dive into the “12 marks,” I’ve decided to share something I wrote to further lay the ground for the topic of new old monasticism. And I will do this in a 2 part series. This again reads more like a paper but this is not a mere exercise of my mind, detached from our life. Instead, it is a life reflection of where we are in our Kingdom journey. Bon voyage!

chris-lawton-5IHz5WhosQE-unsplash.jpg

Divided No More: A Movement Approach to Educational Reform[1] , written by Parker J. Palmer in 1992, is a timeless thought-provoking article that reaches beyond the discipline of education. I find this article extremely relevant for creation of movements of alternative communities with alternative consciousness. I am indebted to Walter Brueggemann’s classic, The Prophetic Imagination, for the phrase and vision of alternative communities with alternative consciousness. Additionally, Richard Rohr’s Eager to Love: The Alternative Way of Francis of Assisi adds layers and depth to the alternative way of seeing, living, and organizing new communities as in the case of the Franciscans. Notice the word alternative in all three works (it is the last of 4 stages in Palmer’s thinking).

First, let’s consider Palmer. Palmer proposes four stages of movements. Palmer gives the overview:

“What is the logic of a movement? How does a movement unfold and progress? I see four definable stages in the movements I have studied-stages that do not unfold as neatly as this list suggests, but often overlap and circle back on each other:

·       Isolated individuals decide to stop leading “divided lives.”

·       These people discover each other and form groups for mutual support.

·       Empowered by community, they learn to translate “private problems” into public issues.

·       Alternative rewards emerge to sustain the movement’s vision, which may force the conventional reward system to change.

Palmer coins the first stage simply as “choosing integrity” where isolated individuals “make an inner choice to stop leading ‘divided lives.’” Palmer quotes Rosa Parks who refused to sit in the back, but rather sat in front of the bus. Years later Rosa Parks spoke of her decision, “I sat down because my feet were tired.” Palmer argues that Rosa Parks’ decision was more than mere physical tiredness, rather the action was taken out of inner integrity and wholeness as a human being. Palmer’s closing remark is deft and on point. “These people have seized the personal insight from which all movements begin: No punishment can possibly be more severe than the punishment that comes from conspiring in the denial of one’s own integrity.”

The second stage is titled “corporate support” where it is no longer a few random individuals but a group of people who come out of the woodwork, discover each other and support each other. It is no longer a “lone nut” anymore but an emerging group of crazy misfits who have stayed true to their integrity and inner wholeness. My soul echoes with Palmer. “Perhaps they have heard and heeded the admonition of Margaret Mead: ‘Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.’”

The third stage is called “going public” which is a natural segue from the second stage. People start to discover that their problems are no longer private but “have been occasioned by public conditions and therefore require public remedies.” This is a transition from private pain to articulation of public pain. Palmer is wise when he writes, “Instead, to ‘go public’ is to enter one’s convictions into the mix of communal discourse. It is to project one’s ideas so that others can hear them, respond to them, and be influenced by them and so that one’s ideas can be tested and refined in the public crucible.” Palmer concludes this stage, “When the language of change becomes available in the common culture, people are better able to name their yearnings for change, to explore them with others, to claim membership in a great movement and to overcome the disabling effects of feeling isolated and half-mad.”

Finally, “alternative rewards” is the last stage. While Palmer acknowledges that there are tangible rewards in all previous stages, the last stage’s rewards are more systematically prevalent and that “it comes with the capacity to challenge the dominance of existing organizations.” Ultimately, the alternative rewards are used as incentives to create alternative norms, systems, and organizations.

You might say I am trying to further set the stage for “new old monasticism”[2] by weaving why alternative communities are needed, to use Brueggemann, Rohr, and Palmer’s language. It is yet another way of saying why new old monasticism is needed.

Brueggemann’s The Prophetic Imagination is an extremely helpful construct because he describes the biblical pattern of creation of alternative communities with alternative consciousness from the story of Exodus to the Old Testament prophets, especially Jeremiah and Isaiah, to finally Jesus. The creation of such alternative communities assumes that there is disintegration and the end of what Brueggemann calls the “dominant or royal communities.” This biblical pattern is repeated throughout human history, ever inviting Christ’s followers to not succumb to the encrustations of dominant consciousness of our days but to criticize and dismantle the old and dominant and create alternative consciousness. Brueggemann expounds on criticism, “I believe that grief and mourning, that crying in pathos, is the ultimate form of criticism, for it announces the sure end of the whole royal arrangement.” Toward the end of his book, Brueggemann writes, “The purpose of the alternative community is to enable a new human beginning to be made. . . . with the religion of God’s freedom and the politics of justice and compassion.” The above statement sounds strikingly similar to Jesus’ first sermon recorded in Luke 4: 18-19 (which is a direct quotation from Isaiah 61:1-2).

“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.”

To the hearers, what must have been shocking was that Jesus left out the very next phrase of Isaiah 61:2 where it read, “and the day of vengeance of our God.” Devout religious leaders would not have missed that!

Brueggemann goes on, “Rather, prophetic ministry consists of offering an alternative perception of reality and in letting people see their own history in the light of God’s freedom and his will for justice.” Prophetic ministry starts with seeing, a certain kind of seeing which is seeing the invisible or seeing what is Real. Then moves onto finding internal congruency (or to use Palmer’s language, choosing integrity) to discern what to say and how to say it. Then the prophets declare against what is not real, enslaving, and blasphemous.


[1] Change Magazine, Vol. 24, Issue #2, pp. 10-17, Mar/Apr 1992. Reprinted with Permission of the Helen Dwight Reid Educational Foundation. Published by Heldref Publications, 1319 18th St. N.W. Washington, D.C. 20036-1802, 1-800-365-9753, Copyright 1992. http://www.couragerenewal.org/parker/writings/divided-no-more/

[2] While the contexts and expressions may be new, there is a long perennial tradition of monasticism that is good, honorable, and helpful.

REST: WHY IT IS ELUSIVE AND HOW TO REFOCUS | PART 5

Preamble

I felt like I needed to share my story of rest (back in 2016 when I presented the paper) not because my story was admirable or worthy but because it was one example and it was not always easy to practice rest. As I shared below, it started mainly out of desperation. Now, with our yearlong sabbatical in our rearview mirror, I appreciate the value of rest even more. Of course, the rest during COVID looks different from what I wrote but some of the fundamental principles remain identical. These days, rest means slowing down, paying attention to small and mundane things, and being still in my mind more specifically. I walk quite a bit more. Every day. Making coffee in the mornings for my wife and myself has become a sort of a spiritual ritual. Smelling fresh coffee grounds every morning tells me I don’t have COVID and I am alive. . . How do you rest?

michael-kucharski-GSf2UBfZ14Y-unsplash.jpg

My Story[1]

After I took on the role as one of the three general directors of Frontier Ventures (formerly the U.S. Center for World Mission) in late 2012, I quickly realized that the amount of stress was extremely heavy and thus not anything I’d experienced thus far in all of my ministry years combined. Thus out of sheer desperation, I had to find ways to define healthy boundaries and to recharge myself on a regular basis. Keeping Sabbath and getting myself renewed and recharged was not anything that was on the top of my list until my new role. Now it is true that I had what I now realize were unhealthy rest habits. These habits included mindlessly watching TV and sports and web surfing, not engaging with the family, often in the name of rest and self-care. Thus finding my sweet spot of rest included failures and successes, experimentation, and trial and error over time.

During this season of finding the rest that works for me, I have also spent a good deal of focus and time understanding how God made me and my unique being in Christ. Embracing who I am in God required for me to embrace my dark sides as well as light sides. Fundamentally, the pursuit revolved around my identity in Christ which includes both my unique individual identity but also a share of common universal identity as fellow followers of Christ.

My weekly routine looks something like this then. I come home a little after 5 pm during the week. When I come home, I try to come home fully. That usually means I don’t open my ministry emails after 5 pm. We have early dinner before 6 pm. Between 6 to 11 pm roughly, I have 5 hours to unwind and recharge myself. As I said earlier, my challenge is not to watch too much TV during that span. I get sucked into watching basketball games, food shows, and the discovery channel. If there is enough sunlight, my wife and I would go out and walk for an hour or exercise together in the gym. By around 10:30 pm, I am consciously slowing my brain down by reading a book, mostly on spirituality, fueling the contemplative side of me. I’ve found out that if my brain is too active thinking about ministries and solving problems, then I have a hard time falling asleep. Once a week, I play basketball at my home church, which is a highly valued rest for me.

Saturdays are usually our Sabbath day. We start the day by exercising, walking at a nearby park (5 km full circle at the Rose Bowl loop) and/or going to the gym. We talk, process, and reflect together during the walk. It serves as a connecting time between my wife and me. As with basketball and exercise, I rest by sweating and allowing my mind to focus on something that is not ministry or other work related. I sometimes make brunch for the family afterwards to have a family meal. My wife and I then usually go to a cafe (we like to explore new cafes in L.A.) to read and journal for a couple of hours. An important part of my rest revolves around gaining new insights and ideas, mostly from books. (I have been thinking about starting a blog of my own. But for now, I’ve started to post simple ideas on Instagram, monk_y_mind) It is also very typical for us to go grocery shopping together on Saturdays. This doesn't drain me. It actually energizes me, thinking about good food to eat and cooking for the family. We then come home and cook dinner. I would often barbeque something. Afterwards, I may watch some sports or some Korean variety shows on TV in the evenings. All day, I am not opening my emails. Over time, I have received far less emails on the weekends.

Furthermore, occasionally, I go on a hike in the nearby San Gabriel mountains right next to our home. Being out in nature energizes me and creates room for both solitude and silence.

Saturdays as Sabbath got shaped over time to a point where it is working and providing my wife and me with much needed rest. It includes elements of both pray and play. It is pray in the context of reading spiritual books and reflecting on the content, which feeds my contemplative side. It is also play in the context of providing me rest for body, mind, and soul through various exercises and activities.

Practical Suggestions

·      Don’t just do something. Just stand there. We are who we are not based on what we do but how God created us to be.

·      Discover what rest works for you. And build a routine around what works.

·      Practice weekly Sabbath. Sabbath is not a luxury. It is a command.

·      Promoting systemic group/organization/church culture change of embracing rest. I believe this Bangkok Forum is key to promoting this new culture of rest. Furthermore, I challenge the leaders to live this out and lead by example.

·      Education of rest to local churches is vital. Obviously this point goes hand in hand with the one above. Biblical understanding is key here.

Conclusion

Rest is soul care and discipline of loving oneself, that connects ourselves to God and to others. It also directly connects our being to doing. Rest allows our being to dictate what our doing ought to be. Whether we admit it or not, we are all becoming someone or something. The question is, what are we becoming? In answering this question of becoming, we answer our response to both being and doing. The only right answer of becoming is that we ought to become like Christ. It is I who lives in Christ and Christ who lives in me. Rest assures and protects that connection to becoming. As we learn to rest, our doing is finally in tune with our being, making impact not simply out of what we do but also out of who we are. Eventually, effectiveness of our work out there is in direct correlation to our soul anchoring. Rest anchors our soul to God and creates value for others. That is emotionally healthy mission at work!


[1] Disclaimer is appropriate here. I realize that my story is based on a unique Frontier Ventures’ organizational context which is a subset of American context. It is worth repeating that we all have to cultivate and do due diligence what rest looks like for us as individuals and for our respective organizations in our cultural contexts.