SAFE SPACE

As part of the continuing series on the marks of new monasticism, I would like for us to reflect on a concept that is not featured on the list, namely safe space. To be more precise, why creating and pursuing safe space is vital to healthy and vibrant communities.

Our souls emerge and show their God-given grandeur and wonder when they are perceived to be safe, ever shyly and with slight hesitation. Thomas Merton described our souls as wild but shy animals in a deep forest, which only appear when safe. I have experienced this repeatedly in two areas. First, when I am safe to my own soul, translated as I am not in a self-condemning mode and am exercising self-compassion, I realize I am able to honestly express my interior reflection and processing. There have been plenty of times where I was neither safe nor hospitable to my soul and thus robbed myself of the full array of hope and restoration. Exercising self-compassion undoubtedly is one of the most courageous acts one can do to oneself. It is the very embodiment and living out the truth of “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1, ESV) The process of providing safe space to one’s own soul can also be described as experiencing God’s mercy in one’s whole self, not divided or compartmentalized.

The second experience involves the communal embodiment of the practice of safe space. When a majority of people in the community have practiced safe space to their own souls, they invariably create safe space in groups or communities they belong to. When I am safe to my soul, I am safe to others. The opposite is true as well.

Safe space means safety and freedom for vulnerable and wounded souls. Vulnerability flows freely when we own our failures and mistakes. Maintaining an airtight defensive posture can be an extremely arduous and burdensome way of life. When we come to accept and own our failures, which is to say that our inflated egos are welcomingly punctured, we are ready for God’s redemptive work and thus the transformation of our souls. In this sense, accepting our failures is to be recognized with compliments and should be warmly embraced, because our egos are properly deflated due to cracks from within. I’ve come to realize that this recognition is difficult to get to because our ego would not want to accept it. Ego is a master at shifting blame to someone else or something else. However, with this recognition in a rightful place, we are primed for healing and restoration.

A transformative discipline is to create a safe space for our own souls, which essentially means that we are not condemning ourselves toward a downward spiral of destruction and even death. Yet, the transformative power erupts when we belong to a community that creates a safe space for vulnerable and wounded souls. Henri Nouwen, in his book, The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom, beautifully expresses the responsibility of individual stewardship.

Your pain is deep, and it won’t just go away. . . Your call is to bring that pain home. As long as your wounded part remains foreign to your adult self, your pain will injure you as well as others. Yes, you have to incorporate your pain into yourself and let it bear fruit in your heart and in the hearts of others. This is what Jesus means when he asks you to take up your cross.

He encourages you to recognize and embrace your unique suffering and to trust that your way to salvation lies therein. Taking up your cross means, first of all, befriending your wounds and letting them reveal to you your own truth.

A significant component of our unique wound and its relationship to community is what Nouwen calls “the wounded healer.” We become healers out of our own unique wounds that have been healed. Brennan Manning describes this well, “In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.” I love what Thornton Wilder writes in one of his short plays, “Without your wounds where would your power be? . . . In Love’s service, only wounded soldiers can serve.” Thus, in healthy communities, we receive and give healing and restoration to one another. This generous reciprocity, not the quid pro quo or the contractual kind, is a true mark of God’s practical economy of grace at work through healed broken lives. Jesus is the safe cornerstone and the ultimate model of such magnanimous generosity as he never rejected or turned away people who owned their brokenness.

I am a living testimony of such God’s unconditional grace at work in multiple communities. As I reflect, what got me to this place is first, courage to own my illusions and broken self, and second, acceptance of my brokenness in communities through safe space. How grateful I am to have experienced such communities in desperate times. Little did I realize that this desperation ushered into a renaissance of my soul. . .

Next week, I will share the relationship between safe space and discovering our soul’s deepest longings.