“DAD, PLEASE . . . ”

Even though some time has passed, I wanted to share a story before we returned to the US. During a group spiritual direction yesterday, I was giving a short update, and the story came out unexpectedly. I noticed my vibe was upbeat and light, and others noticed that. We all got good laughs afterwards. So, I told myself I should write about it.

Two weeks before our move back to Pasadena, my youngest son, Brad, who just turned 27, texted me about having a video chat. He started with, “Hi Dad, I’m excited to have you and Mom back soon!” He wanted to talk about how we can live together healthily. When we left for Asia, we gave our house to our daughter and son-in-law, who mentioned their plans to build an ADU behind the house since the lot is large. I used to be the king of the house, but now I’d be returning under my daughter’s and son-in-law’s roof. So, Brad and I would be housemates, two grown men—he is now a responsible and honorable young man.

All four of our children, along with our son-in-law and daughter-in-law, reside in Pasadena, within a two-mile radius. We did not guide or advise them; it was their merry choice to live closer together. For years, we have been open and honest about God’s calling to Asia, receiving their full support and encouragement. Even so, as parents, we did the unconventional—we flew the coop. There is no greater joy for a parent than witnessing one’s children celebrate each other’s important milestones and accomplishments, and simply being goofy together. Earlier this year, all six participated in a half marathon together. We happily and proudly contributed to their signature achievement by hosting a samgyeopsal party.

Brad’s text tone was warm, gracious, and hopeful. An introvert, I knew it must have taken a lot of courage for him to send that text. At first, I was amazed by how he has grown and matured. I was SO proud of him. Then the reality set in. What does he have in mind that I am not aware of?

A day later, we had a fruitful conversation. Without going into the specifics of a few discussion topics, one thing he shared was how he felt when I called him across the house, “BRAD!” He felt neither honored nor treated as an adult, but rather as a child. I apologized immediately and assured him that I would stop that behavior.

Then, a few days after, Brad, Hannah, Jeremiah (son-in-law), and we zoomed together to share our expectations and how to live harmoniously and healthily once we get back. They had a few things to share with us. Nothing egregious or unexpected in my opinion. They would say this is concerning “one person.” And I knew they were talking about me, and we all laughed. “Dad, could you please not leave your used floss everywhere around the house?” “Dad, could you put away your face wash after use?” I assured them I would honor their requests.

A month into being back in the US, I think I am doing exceptionally well on all those fronts. (And my wife and our children confirm!) The tone of the Zoom was hopeful and excited and centered around the notion of “let us make sure to communicate and be considerate with one another.” What a novel idea, I thought. And it was coming from them. Although many of their requests pertained to my way of being in the house, I was immensely happy with how we conversed about the matters. Additionally, I was so encouraged that they felt free to share with me. It was comical, encouraging, and just felt healthy. That lifted my spirit throughout the day while in Malaysia.

After a week of settling back in the US, I found myself at Dodger Stadium, making a big mess by spitting a pile of sunflower seeds right under my seat... It feels good to be “clean” and orderly, yet from time to time, messy. A contradiction I am.