MULTIPLE BELONGINGNESS — free as the sky

As is often the case, my monthly session with spiritual director unearthed an awareness of who I am and how I am invited to live my life forward. After initial struggle and adjustment during my teenage years and beyond after immigrating to the US, I have fully embraced myself as a bicultural, a liminal being. Over time, the otherworldly vision of “my citizenship being in heaven” unleashed a soul of peregrine in me across various stages of life. Intuitively, I have accepted that life on earth is the life of a pilgrim. Essentially, we are all home away from our true home. The peculiar combination of a contemplative posture and a bohemian blood in me further cemented the conviction. Being bicultural was one thing. Now, I feel like I can embrace multiple belongingness intrinsically and with “Wu-Wei” (“not pushing the river”).

Living in Malaysia for the last fourteen months has unlocked the multiple belongingness. While I would never say that there is uniformity in the collective Southeast Asian cultures, similar uniquenesses set them apart from other Asian cultures. (The term “Southeast” Asia came from south of China and east of India.) During the program of eighteen months at the School of Spiritual Direction, I will have studied six months in Malaysia, the US, and Korea, respectively, by the time I am done with the program. While sounding simplistic and surfacy, the realization added meaning and even sounded prophetic, inviting me to embrace my multiple belongingness. What I do know is that I felt at home in Malaysia and the surrounding region. And I long to be back.

Last night, we were at Dodger Stadium, enjoying the unique pastime of American baseball of more than 40,000 people belching out in unison, “Take me out to the ball game” during the seventh inning stretch, and splitting and spitting hundreds of sunflower seeds. The combination of saltiness and nuttiness of sunflower seeds is unbeatable while fixated on the game. After a grinding out win against the Braves, my wife said, “It is good to be back in LA!” My spiritual director did tell me that going to the Dodgers game is more of an LA thing than going to Disneyland earlier in the day. Even the night's sparse skyline of LA downtown was sparkling in my eyes.

At the same time, I ache, yes, ache to be back in Korea. I miss the four seasons, especially the spring, nature, and of course, food. Korea is beckoning us to come “before the winter arrives.” God has guided us faithfully since 2019, summoning us with a clarion call. To use Frederik Buechner’s words, it is where “our deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger” meet.

Multiple belongingness allows us to feel at home in various contexts. It translates into a broader common ground, enhancing our ability to identify and understand. As the term implies, we experience a sense of belonging in multiple different environments. The foundation of my immigration-fueled bicultural identity has not been wasted; rather, it is more fully realized. I do not have to choose one identity over the others. Although I may have preferences at times, the choice is not solely mine. Instead, peace and contentment arise from knowing that we are already in the river and choosing to trust it.

Earth’s crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God,
But only he who sees, takes off his shoes,
The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries,
And daub their natural faces unaware.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

If “earth’s crammed with heaven” (and I do believe it is), then the invitation is to see “every common bush afire with God.” Seeing the sacred in the “common” or ordinary bush, wherever I may be, requires a set of heavenly eyes. Or should I say, pilgrim eyes? What then follows is a lifetime of worship conceivably at every common and mundane turn, of course, in my multiple belongingness.