ILLUSIONS AND INVISIBILITY
My life is governed by illusions and invisibility more than I care to know and admit. I think I have my life under control and have the capacity to direct and live my life as I will. Truth to be told, this is a grand illusion. This illusion works like a mirage, creating false projections and worth of myself and my life. Like a poorly constructed tower, illusion can tumble down quickly, giving me a real dose of how harsh and “unrealistic” reality can be. But this harshness is an invisible gift from God if I accept the felled nature of the tower, which is my ego.
Being a general director of Frontier Ventures (formerly known as the U. S. Center for World Mission) was one of my towers. Enamored with Dr. Ralph Winter who was the visionary founder of the storied missionary organization, I decided to remain at “home” to mobilize rather than go overseas to serve. How I started my directorship was an act of obedience, albeit a reluctant one. Over time, however, my ego got fed and fed again and went “to my head.” I knew it was lurking in the back of my mind. At the same time, I reasoned, truthfully, that all my efforts were not necessarily to benefit my ego. Therein lay the hidden fact of how carefully the illusion was constructed. When time came for me to step down from my role, the tower I built came crashing down. My ego took a hit and I found myself desperately trying to salvage my ego. Then I heard God whisper to me in a still small voice but resoundingly clear, “Son, you have no idea how good this decision is for you (my true self).”
SEEING…
My interpretation of what is and the reality of what is will never synchronize perfectly. There will always be a gap between the two. I suppose one of life’s goals is to narrow this gap. Often, I see what I see or worse—I see what I want to see. I don’t see what is seen.
Illusion is the warp and woof of my interpretation of reality stemming from my ego. It is illusion because I turn and twist to fit and boost my ego. (To be fair to myself, some interpretation of mine do not originate from my ego.) Parker Palmer’s definition of contemplation is fabulous. He says that contemplation is “any way one has of penetrating illusions and touching reality.” Illusions are not illusions if they are easily recognized. Illusions are illusions because they are carefully and densely encrusted, making it slow to expose and difficult to penetrate. It is almost impossible to see what just is without the honest and vulnerable work of penetrating illusions that surround it. The work of penetration starts with simple honest awareness and acknowledgement. And to do it with self-compassion. . .
“First there is the fall, and then we recover from the fall. Both are the mercy of God!”
Falling is the mercy of God, waking me up from illusions. Greater the illusion, the harder the fall. Recovery is God’s invisible work of grace and mercy. I don’t see the recovery coming and yet when it arrives, I know it is totally God’s mercy. Harder the fall, the greater the mercy of God. This process of recovery overflowing with mercy is a divine orchestration by God, invisible from my line of sight and perspective.
Illusions from Reality and invisibility of God’s grace and mercy function as perfect match made in heaven. Both are unseen initially. Recognizing illusions require lifelong commitment of dogged pursuit of how our ego works. Experiencing God’s invisible mercy, however, is all grace. There is no effort on ours. There can’t be effort on ours, otherwise it is not grace.
Meister Eckhart said, “For God to be is to give being. For us, to be is to receive being.”
The ancient and eternal nature of our being is to receive from God whose name means to give.