KING, LOVER, AND SAGE

Having just turned an age when I can officially claim my social security checks (if I choose), I have more years to look back on than to envision my future. I appreciate the contrasting poetic translation (New Living) of Proverbs 20:29, “The glory of the young is their strength; the gray hair of experience is the splendor of the old." At this point in life, I willingly choose splendor over strength. And I have a boatload of experience!

My wife and I just finished a Zoom session with a group of younger friends with whom we have been engaging in group spiritual guidance. Having met for the last four years, we took the past two months to share words of life and encouragement. We have traversed deep, dark, perilous valleys together, been nourished by still waters and lush green meadows, and climbed and descended various mountain peaks. Even before the group Zoom, we have a long history of enjoying each other's company for nearly three decades.

Among other words being spoken, “sage” was one repeated word that the group shared with me as they took time to channel what God may have for me to hear. The truth is that I had wished that I would be a good wise sage someday.

I remember reading John Eldredge’s *The Way of the Wild Heart: A Map for the Masculine Journey* when the book first came out nearly 20 years ago. Naturally, I was comparing and reflecting on my own masculine journey concerning Eldredge’s “map.” Eldredge outlines and elaborates on the six stages of manhood: the boy, cowboy/ranger, warrior, lover, king, and sage. For the sake of brevity, I will glide over the early stages (though they are interesting to contemplate).

According to Eldredge. the “Lover” stage awakens and includes the physical lover, but it is much more comprehensive. This stage involves appreciating beauty and learning to love unconditionally. After discovering a “mission” in one’s life (during the warrior stage), the warrior stage will not mature unless it is infused with the love and beauty of life. The lover stage unlocks the artist within us through the unique artistic channels that God has gifted us. “Artistic” not only refers to the culturally accepted expressive arts (music, painting, writing, etc.), but is fundamentally about unleashing the very essence of who we are as God intended—I can only be me, and you can only be you. We all are God’s created and creative arts in motion, a poetry of motion. It is easy to envision the life of the biblical character David—from boy to ranger (as a shepherd), warrior, lover, and, of course, king.

The “king” stage is where one gets to exercise authority and responsibility over a ‘kingdom.” The “kingdom” can be one’s own company or organization, household, small group in church or community, or even a country. The list goes on. What is implied is that the king is responsible for leading others. Without “others” following, there is no king.

According to Eldredge, the “sage” stage is the last stop of the masculine journey. Parallelly, Robert Clinton’s “The Making of a Leader” details a similar outline of a leader. The last stage is what Clinton calls “afterglow/celebration.” Clinton describes only a few reach this level and it is all about influence. One of the key concepts from Eldredge about the sage stage is wisdom.

Years ago, I heard from a retiring pastor from an influential church that his biggest fear was his irrelevance. I appreciated his awareness and honesty at the time. That made a lasting impression on me.

In an effort to weave together the disparate thoughts alongside my own life’s journey, here are a few reflections based on my masculine journey.

I know I have gone through a lover stage after the warrior stage, but my primal lover stage happened after the king stage. Using my own language, the lover stage I am referring to definitely includes my appreciation for beauty and love of nature through writing and poetry after my kingship stage. More than that, the lover stage to me was mostly about descending, descending from kingship but also going deeper and embracing “death” and “deconstruction.” In the kingship stage, one is ruling over people but also exercising authority and stewardship in certain ways of doing things, developing and perpetuating a system. A king is not a king without some systems to rule and proliferate. As such, a king is almost always beholden to a certain way of doing things even if one is trying to reenvision and restructure.

A further note on descending. Descending is letting go, of control, expectations, and aspirations however good and noble they may be. The language of descension is identical to Richard Rohr’s “Falling Upward” concept in that our focus is not set on “upward” but squarely on “falling.” If and when we fall enough, sometimes as in free falling which can be both petrifying and exhilarating, then we realize upward movement has also been taking place. As we descend, we meet death and decay, and arrive at a place where we can identify with Solomon’s wisdom “Everything is futile.” The good news is that we begin to witness life, flourishing, and meaning where death and futility used to reign. What was once stark opposite contradictions melt away and disappear with no need for striving. Death and futility become friends in descension. There is no more need to label life as good and death as bad. And we won’t see this unless we descend or fall. God is already there at the pit (or Sheol if you like) and what we considered as the farthest limits as David wrote (Psalm 139). This, to me, is at the heart of the Lover stage and serves as a doorway to Sage.

Sage cannot and should not remain within the systems whether they are good or bad (which is precisely my point in that we make judgments according to our experiences and view of systems we have been part of). Sage is above and beyond any systems of power otherwise sage cannot exert the kind of influence that puts the listeners first. Unlike a king, sage is not about building or expanding his or her kingdom. It is about the “listeners’ kingdom.” At the same time, it is about helping to lift one’s eyes to bigger realities beyond systems and develop attention to beauty and love. To be sure, nobody including sage can sit outside judgmental outlooks, biases, or above system. However, the difference between a king and a sage is that a sage has eyes beyond the system and operates from a different and wider plane of seeing. While sage may have influence, sage does not and should not have the power to rule and control. Furthermore, sages can traverse and offer wisdom to people in all different stages of life—from the boy to other sages. One thing I know is that I want the onus to be on someone else, not on me. Ultimately, I wonder if the “splendor” of sage or the old is relative to the honest evaluation and acceptance of the “gray hair of experience.”