INSPIRATION & BOOKS

By the time you read this, my wife and I will have arrived in Korea for another two months stint. I have multiple book related events and will also be leading/participating in a few conferences. Unlike the spring itinerary, the fall’s itinerary will be packed as we will be on the road quite a bit.

Good books according to my working definition whether fiction or non-fiction allow and invite me to read my life. This reading of my life is uncoerced as I parallelly imagine my life in the lives and thoughts of characters and/or authors. They allow me to find and discover my life as it is unfolding, as well as to question, find answers, and raise other questions. They are like kind and patient guides that probe my life like no other. I dictate the speed and intricacy of the surgery of my heart and mind. Even the books that seem to be forcefully adamant about their opinions and views, I get to discern and choose. The fact of the matter is that it is ultimately my life and I know what speaks to me and what does not at different times of my life. I often underline or make notes on the side when I am inspired and when my soul’s experiences are congruent with what I may be reading at the time. My life experiences resonate with authors’ experiences, imaginative or real, and as a result, create a sense of common bond across times and cultures. By reading these books, I am invited to read my life.

When I know I am “inspired,” it lands on me as a confirmation of what was already being awakened and formed in me. The apex of inspiration is the meeting place between the existing (but slightly lacking in assurance) internal leanings and the Kairos external stimuli. The stimuli generate a deep sense of confirmation of what we already knew and knew to be true. These moments of inspiration certainly extend beyond just good books but rather to the multiplicity of art mediums. I find it difficult and disingenuous to induce such inspiration. For inspiration to be genuine and lasting, inspiration almost always bears a surprising quality and unpredictable nature. As such, it is almost impossible to arrive at the point of inspiration through some logical and methodical processes.

I have experienced multiple inspirational moments through books over the years. Though they vary with impact, three experiences top the list. For each of those three moments, I vividly remember where I read it, what I was reading, and how I felt at the time. It was like time stood still and everything was moving in slow motion. Two of those times, I wept uncontrollably. One I was dumbfounded for a long time and lost looking vacantly at the distant San Gabriel mountains, half dazed. One of those times, I wept uncontrollably was while I was reading J.R.R. Tolkien’s Chapter 5 (The Ride of the Rohirrim) of The Return of the King. Below is a rather long quote toward the end of the chapter.

At that sound the bent shape of the king sprang suddenly erect.  Tall and proud he seemed again; and rising in his stirrups he cried in a loud voice, more clear than any there had ever heard a mortal man achieve before,

Arise, arise, Riders of Theoden!
Fell deeds awake: fire and slaughter!
spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered,
a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises!
Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor!

With that he seized a great horn from Guthlaf his banner-bearer and he blew such a blast upon it that it burst asunder.  And straightway all horns in the host were lifted up in music, and the blowing of the horns of Rohan in that hour was like a storm upon the plain and a thunder in the mountains.

Ride now, ride now! Ride to Gondor!

Suddenly the king cried to Snowmane and the horse sprang away.  Behind him his banner blew in the wind, white horse upon a field of green, but he outpaced it.  After him thundered the knights of his house, but he was ever before them.  Eomer rode there, the white horsetail on his helm floating in his speed, and the front of the first eored roared like a breaker foaming to the shore, but Theoden could not be outpaced.  Fey he seemed, or the battle-fury of his fathers ran like new fire in his veins, and he was borne up on Snowmane like a god of old, even as Orome the Great in the battle of the Valar when the world was young.  His golden shield was uncovered, and lo! it shone like an image of the Sun, and the grass flamed into green about the white feet of his steed.  For morning came, morning and a wind from the sea; and darkness was removed, and the hosts of Mordor wailed, and terror took them, and they fled, and died, and the hoofs of wrath rode over them.  And then all the host of Rohan burst into song, and they sang as they slew, for the joy of battle was on them, and the sound of their singing that was fair and terrible came even to the City. (Italicized mine)

This remains one of my favorite literary texts of all time. “And then all the host of Rohan burst into song, and they sang as they slew, for the joy of battle was on them,” Tolkien writes. I remember reading this passage more than 25 years ago at Starbucks in Gangnam Korea. This was where I lost it completely. A middle-aged man weeping in the middle of Starbucks must have been a scene! But I could care less. . . because I was standing on holy ground. I might have knelt in submission if I really did not care what others thought of me. The conjured-up image was God’s glory reigning in the company of “men,” singing and experiencing joy amid battle. The “battle” was none other than life to me at the time as life is a great battle for everyone. Thus at the heart of it has been the overarching desire to experience the “joy of life (joie de vivre).” My heart told me that day I would love to be in this kind of company. Who will God send our way to “sing as we slay” alongside us and do life with?

Decades later and the years in between, I find myself in the middle of such a company and have received countless courage from this company of men and women. It is not unlike Eowyn whispering to the ear of Merry, a Hobbit, before the charge, “Courage, Merry. Courage for our friends.” What came to me as an inspiration became my prayer and my prayer is being answered.

For those who are inclined to watch Peter Jackson’s interpretation of the scene above, below is the link.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8yOdAqBFcQ

A MISSIONAL REFLECTION | PART 1

Early June while in Korea, I was asked to participate in National Consultation on World Evangelization (NCOWE) to observe and advise. This was the 8th NCOWE gathering with about 600 leaders with a couple of dozens of other global south missions leaders. Toward the end of the consultation after a lot of listening, I was asked by the leader of the consultation to write a reflection paper that would be shared with the participants. I told him, “Yes, of course, with honor.”

I thought I would share this short reflection (3 pages) with you in the next two weeks as a window into how I have been integrating spirituality and missions as well as how we live our life.

June 20, 2023

The air was different. I was different.

What came to me toward the end of 8th NCOWE was the verse from Zechariah (4:6) “He said to me, ‘This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, says the Lord of hosts.”

Missions had been done for too long with overbearing might and power if we are honest enough to admit it. Missions flowed from civilized to less civilized (so we thought), modern to unmodern or premodern, privileged to less or underprivileged, educated to less educated, and economically affluent to less affluent. Even when we tried to be humble and approached with incarnational spirit, power, prestige, and wealth and the progress of the West had gained too much momentum and power. When the modern missions movement began (emphasis on “modern”), colonization was already well on the way and would reach its climax in the 19th and early 20th centuries. Though most of the colonized nations gained their independence by 1970, other waves of colonization rolled in in the form of economic and cultural superiority and resulted in suppression of the non-West by the West, by and large. With the backdrop, however, we were so concerned with “what”—the “task of world evangelization” that we over-emphasized the number of workers the world (especially the West or Global North) needed to send to all nations—over how the missions work needed to be done. In retrospect, this was absolutely needed, and not wrong. The task was mainly about “what”—the goal of world evangelization. The words like task, beachheads, breakthroughs, etc borrowed from military warfare embodied certain colonial assumptions. In all, the urgency drove us all.

Now, we, the Korean missions, are confronted with the accumulating stories of shortcomings (as well as encouraging and heartwarming stories) of what “what” had produced over the years, greatly heightened by COVID pandemic. I would like to think that we are turning a corner in embracing the importance of “how.” How do we reach and love the world God so loved? The focus is no longer about “winning” them to Christ but to love and serve them, and how to coexist and partner together to usher in the Kingdom of God to earth now. From my vantage point, the 8th NCOWE was the first large gathering of leaders that reflected such humility and honesty in willingness to face and own shortcomings of the Korean missions movement in the last generation. Additionally, the 8th NCOWE has shown great courage to do something about our own shortcomings, mistakes, and failures. (I know that there have been pockets of leadership gatherings over the years that have been discussing such questions of “how.”) Thus, the shift from the WHAT of missions to the HOW of missions is decisively significant. However, this introspective process will not be easy as it trickles down to systems, individual organizations, and churches (as well as down to each individual) and will require greater courage and humility to continue to walk in it.

To use a slightly different language, we are no longer concerned only about the “message,” but exhibit willingness and readiness to embrace the importance of “messengers.” Who we are and who we are becoming is a far greater and more impactful message than the message we use our mouths to proclaim. With the risk of sounding simplistic and general, we have been too concerned with the right message to the point that we perhaps undermined the importance of being faithful and loving messengers. The Gospel was truncated down to believing the right dogma and doctrine rather than preaching Jesus Christ—his life, ministry, teachings, his death, resurrection, ascension—and living incarnationally. The multiple iterations and mentions of the importance of “spirituality” during NCOWE highlight this shift. There were also many emphases on possessing the right “attitudes” of the workers be it missionaries or global Christians in action. To be sure, the right attitudes flow out of who we are and who we are becoming which essentially is about transforming spirituality.

TO DARE OR NOT TO DARE

“To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.” Soren Kierkegaard

During our first Yangpyeong one-month stay last spring, we serendipitously ran into an artist who was holding her exhibit at our favorite Kwak Jiwon Bakery’s art space. My first meeting with her made such a warm impression that it found its way into a portion of my journal freshly that day (see below). Just as providentially, we ran into her again yesterday. Another chance meeting. . . Kyunghwa Lee, a chef, was holding yet another art exhibit but this time it featured her own “art book” she worked on during the last 3 months every week with a group of novice and seasoned artists. Chef Lee had invited us to come and see the exhibit. We told her we would be happy to.

After picking up a guest from a train station nearby who was going to stay overnight with us, we swung by Kwak Jiwon bakery to pick up our preordered baguette for today’s breakfast. Our guest did not know we were going to spend some time visiting the exhibit at the bakery. The exhibit featured not only Kyunghwa Lee’s work but also a dozen others in the group. The art book consisted of each of their “life diary” expressed in writing, poetry, photos, and small art pieces, all bound up in an imperfect but exquisitely intimate handmade book. I felt like someone was going to slap my hand for flipping through their personal diaries. What surprised me was how honest and vulnerable each of the entries was.

After spending a good hour, someone who was sitting down saw me walking from one room to another and bowed with a faint smile. Trying to be courteous, I also bowed not knowing who she was. She bowed again to my wife who was trailing me. She said, “An-nyeong haseyo” (hello) to my wife and followed with “Do you remember me?” My wife quickly brightened up and said, “Oh, an-nyeong haseyo!” I then realized it was the artist we met a year ago. We exchanged cordial pleasantries initially but eventually, we found our chairs and held deep spiritual conversations surrounding her art which is coterminous with her life. I profusely apologized to her that I did not recognize her. While it is true that she was wearing a knitted purple hat this time and dressed in less formal wear than last time, I should have recognized her. Just as quickly, we segued our conversation into art making. She has experienced the artist’s pain and disappointment while trying to earn her living. She also has taken in a few students over the years. Her philosophy lingered with me. She said she would take in a disciple or two for a year at a time not to teach them her style of art making much less her art techniques. Rather she would train them in such ways that they would discover their own styles.

Our guest who was carefully listening to her the whole time showed increasing interest and connection with the artist. The guest shared her own journey of wanting to embrace her artist’s way. She has been lacking courage since she had not studied art in college or had not spent an inordinate amount of money and time studying art abroad. The guest and the artist eventually exchanged their phone numbers. Our guest later told us that she had been searching for “signs” of whether to continue to pursue her dream of being an artist or not. This encounter turned out to be a “God moment” that she would not give up.

On another thread of our conversation, she asked me what I was up to. I shared with her that my book had just come out being less sure with what kind of vibe I should say about the book. With a curious look on her face, she asked what my book was about, and I said it is about being pilgrims in this life. She nodded, took note, and told me she would like to buy and read. I smiled in return. Chef Lee then chimed in and said, “We will hold a small book concert with author Chong Kim as our guest speaker.” The artist and another student who was listening closely both said, “We would like to be there.”

I too am on a journey I have not passed before. I have lost my footing multiple times to know that while those moments may be painful with blue-colored swollen ankles, the hurting simply does not compare with potentially losing myself and not being true to who I am and who I am becoming. This grand six-month-long Asia swing is a great dare for me. We are making plans to do another round of six-month trip next year. I am at a point where I would rather try and fail than fail to try. I have been a fan of Brené Brown for quite some time and read multiple of her books. In her book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, she pens it this way, “To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.” I cannot fail to be me. There is too much at stake. Daring is not synonymous with gritting our teeth and plowing forward with a “faith-filled” adventuresome spirit, instead daring embraces vulnerability like a friend. Genuine faith is a friend to vulnerability. Brown lauds vulnerability this way, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren't always comfortable, but they're never weakness.”

May 9, 2022

Today’s story began unfolding at Kwak Jiwon Bakery as we had a rare day of rest and catch-up. We decided to venture out for a quick bite of lunch and then we went over to the bakery. At the bakery, we were informed that a new art exhibit opened today. On top of that, the artist was going to come in person and interact with people. I intuitively knew this was a God-given opportunity.

Eun Kyung Lee is a modern artist. As a trained school teacher, she taught for many years until about 9 years ago. At such time, she listened to her inner desire deep enough to pursue her dream of being an artist. Being a teacher in Korea is a secure and envious job considered by many. Yet, in her own words, she had to pursue and go all in even if she were to fail and fail miserably. It would be a happy ending if I were to say she has made it. While she tasted initial celebrity-like status, she herself knows that she has not arrived, and I frankly don’t think she even cares she has made it. She knows this is a process being unfolded and that she is paving her own path that she has not traveled before. I know this journey of inner discovery requires a herculean effort and courage to switch in midlife. We told her to be encouraged and she got teary-eyed.

As a craft painter (she coined the term herself), she is attracted to organic and inorganic discards and wastes and incorporates them into her art. Most of her craft paintings are understandably three-dimensional and they often portray the existential matter of one’s being. Her vision has been to use the discards and rejects to rebirth them into a newborn story. She does this because as a teacher she was always attracted to troubled and isolated kids. Though her career went through a transition, her heart for the neglected and underappreciated remained the same.

She asked us what we do and why we were in Yangpyeong. We told her that we are missionaries interested in developing people and that we were “running” a healing stay. We talked about our spirituality and told her that we resonated with what we see in her story and art. She nodded in agreement about our spirituality as she went on the explain the background of one piece she created (see above). The painting features a three-dimensional fallen black bamboo branch with a few leaves she picked up in Kangwon Province which sits in the easternmost part of Korea. She turned the bamboo branch into an imaginary pen of her heart which it wrote, “love” (picture above). I would say she was neither religious nor unreligious, but it did not matter to me. She said afterward, “Love is the common language of our heart.” Whether knowingly or unknowingly, she is proclaiming the existential message of love to all who see her craft painting. I was glad to have bumped into her and was blessed to see the painting.

FOLLOWING AN UNEXPECTED TRAIL

I gave away one of my signed book copies to a bakery chef named Lee in Yangpyeong the other day. The story of how I got to know the chef and the master chef (Jiwon Kwak) goes back almost exactly a year ago. Chef Lee has known I was working on my book since last year. When we visited a week ago, I told her that one of my small dreams was to hold a book concert at her bakery. As soon as I shared, she said, “Of course” with her eyes twinkling. Without skipping a beat, she went on to add that she would like to promote and do all that is necessary to pull off an event. My expectation which I did not verbalize the first time was that I would simply rent her bakery space and hold my book event without her involvement. She went above and beyond what I asked for. I am letting her take the lead as I am very curious as to how this event will enfold. . . 

She now has my book and supposedly is reading it while I am waiting for her initial instruction. She sheepishly commented the other day that she attends church once in a while and the reason she attends is that the church has a beautiful cross architecture. While I appreciated her transparency inwardly, I assured her that I did not write my book only for churchgoers but for all spiritual seekers. 

To backtrack my story of how I first got to know Chef Kwak and Chef Lee, I am pulling my origin journal entry of this encounter from April 29, 2022 (almost exactly a year ago). After the initial encounter, we did visit Chef Kwak and his wife (Chef Choi, who is also a renowned chef) a couple of times at his house and the training facility and received their warm hospitality and held meaningful conversations. 

April 29, 2022

I met a humble celebrity bakery chef tonight. His name is Jiwon Kwak and has a stellar pedigree as a chef and was featured on multiple TV programs over the years. He could have gained more fame and wealth, but he has decided to “let it all go.” Rather, he spends his time “discipling” younger aspiring bakery chefs in Korea through his academy. His method is that of an apprenticeship model, training only a few at a time.  

Soon after we arrived in Yangpyeong, our Airbnb host suggested Kwak Jiwon Bakery after she found out that we liked bread. Her simple words to us were, “It is special. You will like it.” As we anticipate hosting a few guests about a week later, we decided to drive out to the bakery and try a few ourselves. It is a peculiar and inviting standout of a 3-story building with Parisian flair in dark turquoise color contrasted with white trim windows compared to the dull ordinary medium-sized apartment buildings surrounding the bakery. They use no milk, sugar, eggs, or butter. Rather, they make bread through a natural fermentation process. I absolutely have no idea how this kind of bread-making works so this is where I stop in terms of how they actually make bread.

After we walked into the store, we were greeted by a lady who asked if this was our first time probably because she intuitively has caught our first-time vibe. She kindly took the time to explain how they make bread. All the while, I could see her smile behind the mask. I was nodding my head politely as if I was following her process of making bread while my restless eyes were scanning different kinds of bread on the shelves. We picked a couple of loaves of bread, strawberry (locally produced strawberry as Yangpyeong is known for organic strawberries) bread and what they call rustic bread, along with an apple strudel and Americanos which we enjoyed immensely, still wondering in my head how they make their bread without milk, sugar, eggs, and butter. After spending some time reading and writing in the bakery, as we were walking out, the lady came up to us again and asked in a curious tone where we were from. I thought of telling her we are from Yangpyeong, which would not be a complete lie or truth. However, my mouth beat my mind as I blurted that we were from the US, experimenting with living in Yangpyeong for a month. That was when she promptly invited us to a premiere movie night at the bakery with a few of her friends for a simple dinner. She handed us a brochure and after coming home, we learned that she was a partner bakery chef and a top protégé of Jiwon Kwak. We politely said, “What gracious invitation” and that we would consider and said goodbye. 

We were back at the bakery a few days later and bought some more loaves of bread for our other guests. Since we were masked up and I had a different hat on, I did not think she would notice us. That is when she came up to us and told us to come again for the movie night which was later that day. We did make it out there. We were tired since we hosted a couple for a night, and they left only a few hours earlier. My wife being an introvert was not necessarily thrilled about going but she knew that I was interested. We ended up arriving right on time maybe a minute or two late, but the door was locked. After debating what to do for a few short minutes, I decided to knock on the door. The door was swung open by the chef and she welcomed us in a hushed voice. The movie had already started and the only seats available were at the front of the room where the screen was while everyone was watching us come in and sit down. As we forced ourselves to be comfortable, the chef then went into the kitchen and got a small plate of cheese, bread, and ham with mugs of warm tea. We felt bad and embarrassed because we arrived late, and the host had to go back and forth to serve us. It was too late for us to bail out, so we stuck it out. Later, we found out that the host did not think that we were coming so she started the movie. 

The movie was Driving Miss Daisy. It was a bit surreal watching the movie in Yangpyeong with a bunch of strangers (less than 10 including us) whom we met only a few days earlier. After the movie, she wanted to introduce one another. That was when we found out that we were the only “outsiders” with four of her friends and Jiwon Kwak and his wife. When I asked why and how she invited us, total strangers, she plainly told us in front of the group, we carried a certain presence and that she felt compelled to invite us. Little did we know that we would meet Mr. Kwak, someone we read about in a magazine article, get his autographed book, and take a picture with both Mr. Kwak, his wife, and Kyunghwa Lee (the chef who invited us). 

They were just as curious as we were, so they rightfully asked us how we came to Yangpyeong. I shared our story of a healing stay and that we were Korean American missionaries wanting to focus on and develop younger people in Korea.

We are intrigued to read Mr. Kwak’s book which is about his story. From a short article we read, we were drawn to his philosophy of making bread but also his way of business. His vision is to develop and train bakers, only a handful at a time. His approach is to empower his disciples in their creativity to do their own business, not to franchise and grow his empire. The bakery we visited used to be his bakery but gave it away to Lee Kyunghwa. Mr. Kwak and his wife warmly invited us to their home and the academy where they train bakers which is close to where we are. We are planning to sit with them sometime next week. 

This is a chance encounter that may fizzle out like a dead-end alley. Even then, I learned that although we serve in two very different fields, there was attraction and even admiration as to how he went about his business, how he is semi-retired in training and mentoring, and how he wants to live the rest of his life (he just turned 70). He told us that he is planning to do Camino de San Tiago next year. This is a chance encounter that may also lead somewhere I have not expected us to go, not that I would be baking bread but gleaning and learning from how he is serving the next generations and transitioning in life.