MICHAEL & GLORIA
THE DAY BEFORE
It is the day before the wedding, our son Michael’s. A couple of mornings ago, my wife and I took Michael out for brunch. Poor guy has been suffering a nameless illness for the last several days. He thought it was initially a strep but after a couple of tests, it was deemed negative but there were no other explanations. In the end, he was prescribed an antibiotics medication for strep after having been told that it could be some sort of variant of strep. It was better to treat it than not. Thus, when I asked him what kind of brunch, he said something soupy, so we suggested Korean Seolleongtang (beef bone soup with different cuts of beef). He said, “Aren’t you guys tired of Korean food?” Before he finished his sentence, we told him, “No.” That describes an aspect of Michael, thoughtful and courteous.
We sat down for Seolleongtang and our conversations flowed. At different points of our conversation, we got teary eyed having shared deep and genuine from our hearts. At one point, I said something unrehearsed. It went something like this.
One of the trickiest parts of parenting occurs when children enter full adulthood. (I didn’t say this, but all cultures have different barometers of when children turn adults and some cultures still have retained adult initiation rites in various forms.) Earlier in the parenting phase, good parents provide safe and secure environments, lay down healthy boundaries, rules, and regulations, and pour out love, the unconditional kind as much as we know how and are capable of. Of course, I can easily think of many instances where I failed and stumbled as a parent.
At some point in adult children’s lives (I would like to think every adult child has a different timeline), there comes a time when I need to fully release my adult children—to pursue and be who they are—without needing to earn my approval or love. Having spent more than two decades of my life as a parent providing a “controlling” environment, I now must learn to let my need for control go. That to me is one of the most difficult lessons in life. A merciful part is that it is a gradual process for the most part, but a big life event like a wedding really does demarcate and usher in the full release. The release is neither an abandonment nor the appearance of nonchalance at all but a release of faith and freedom and ultimate trust in God who is good.
Michael, you now are entering your own life. Go live your life. You have my full blessing and confidence.
After having rattled off the impromptu statement above, I am still thinking about what I shared two days ago. After trying to discern why, I come close to thinking that how I approach Michael perhaps is parallel to how God has “parented” me. There was once upon a time when I needed all the boundaries and my perception of rules and regulations in relation to how I lived my life. God knows that as a free-flowing young apostle, I needed every bit of structure and boundaries. Construction or order was necessary as building blocks of life. I thought the rules and beliefs equated God. . . for good and for ill.
Then came a time when God I thought I knew was woefully inadequate to God I was experiencing later in life. The latter God was mind-bendingly bigger and infinitely more generous and loving than I had equated God to be in the first half of my life. Both “Gods” were real, but the latter God quickly replaced the former God. My life began to struggle to find meaning and reflect God of love and freedom. My only hope is that I plainly reflect this God of love and freedom in who I am, who I am becoming, and what I do in life.
THE DAY AFTER
It is now the day after the wedding. There is so much to write about but one thought that has lingered with me is how many disparate communities of friends and communities came together for one single purpose: to witness and celebrate Michael and Gloria’s union. There were Michael’s early childhood friends, church community, and school buddies in both undergraduate and graduate programs to name just a few. Then there were Gloria’s childhood friends from Michigan (where she was born and went to school—she is a proud University of Michigan graduate as her parents are), U of Mich friends, church friends, etc. I have not begun to mention the family members on both sides of the family. . .
These disparate communities all converged on July 8 to show their love and support for Michael and Gloria. These groups were not required to know each other’s names, get along, or have the same understanding and history of Michael and Gloria. They all have experienced certain slices of Michael and Gloria’s life, but none possess the absolute full picture of them, even including me as Michael’s parent. The joy, the uninhibited kind, was palpable in everyone’s faces and in their dance moves. We may all come from different backgrounds and cultures, but we all experienced union through Michael and Gloria’s union.
I thought of all the images of wedding feasts and banquets Jesus spoke of and participated in. There also were diverse (sometimes poles apart) communities that came together for one single purpose: to celebrate the union between the groom and the bride. Then there will be the ultimate wedding banquet where all God’s children will participate, not as mere guests but every single one of us as brides! We are not required to know each other, be like each other, believe the same doctrines, or even be in union with each other. They may be good if they happen, but they are not necessary. What is at stake is that we all prepare ourselves as Jesus’ brides.
Through Michael and Gloria’s wedding, I caught a glimpse of wisdom from collective images of wedding banquets and the ultimate wedding banquet to come. Michael Card’s song, The Wedding, has this stanza.
So amidst the laughter and feasting
There sits Jesus full with the fun
He has made them wine because He is longing
For a wedding that's yet to come
