UNFORCED RHYTHM OF GRACE

You have a special treat this week as I have asked my wife, Grace, to share her reflection. She graciously agreed to write an entry. I am sure you will appreciate her thoughtful process while in Korea with me. Her writing flows effortlessly and warmly invites us all to examine unforced rhythm of grace in our own life. Someone has wisely said that in life, direction is more important than speed. My wife seems to have discovered her natural rhythm while keeping the direction in view.

I was riding in the backseat of the car with a precocious 8 year old on our way to the airport, ready to depart from our time in Jeju Island. I told her, “I can’t do anything fast. I am slow in everything.” She countered, “How about sneezing? How about hiccups?” Okay, maybe I can sneeze fast and hiccup fast, but my natural pace is invariably slooowww.

Korea is fast. Everything is fast here. Koreans walk fast. Wifi speed is lightning fast. Meal delivery motorcycles are ubiquitous here, and they are fast. To our surprise, Chong was able to get prescription reading glasses in under 15 minutes, from eye exam to having the glasses in his hands. Chong is constantly reminding me that if I hesitate, Koreans will quickly take that empty seat I’ve been eyeing. Cars do not make way for pedestrians here. They are on the move and getting somewhere fast.

There is a saying that God moves at 3 miles per hour. This is the speed at which humans walk. Today, for the first time ever in my life, I took the subway by myself in Korea. Chong is away at a men’s retreat, and I took it upon myself as a personal challenge to venture out alone. I am terrible with direction and easily get lost, so this seemingly mundane event is momentous for me. I went to a bookstore just four subway stops away and took my time meandering among the shelves, picking up this book and that, browsing to my heart’s content. I slowly walked the subway path, making sure that I am entering the correct tunnel and exiting the right stairway. I observed the people along the way. My heart is at peace when I move at my own slow speed. 

Slow living is one way I am learning to “live my life as me.” It has taken me time to learn how to do this. Jesus says in Matthew 11:28, “Learn the unforced rhythms of grace” (Message). Living my life as me is aligning myself with the design that God has put in me when I was knitted together in my mother’s womb. For some time now, I have been on a journey of self-awareness and self-discovery. It has been a seeking of how Christ desires to live His life through my life, as me, in my particular context.

Chong recently spoke at a seminar, and what he said about slowing down caught my attention. He said that in order for us to really and seriously examine our interior space, we need to slow down. However, he also said that we need to be able to discern when to stop, when to slow down, but also when to speed it up, moving quickly.  For example, when we sense that God is on the move, sensing a rising momentum, we may need to move fast. This makes me think of the difference or the relationship between fast and hurry. Perhaps fast describes the action and hurry describes the inner orientation.

Dallas Willard famously said, “Ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” Hurry is the sense that I have when I feel driven to get to the next place or the next thing. Hurry robs me of fully appreciating the gifts of the present moment. I observe myself when I am in a hurry; I can check off all the items on my to-do list, trying to buy time by getting quickly from one thing to the next, and when my day is done, I still cannot relax, because I have carried the sense of hurry within me. Dallas Willard also supposedly was asked to describe Jesus’ character in one word. He said, “Relaxed.” Jesus had full days of ministry, sometimes beginning in the early morning in darkness to be alone with the Father, then ministering to the multitudes who sought Him out. He never seemed to be in a hurry, though. He was present to the one(s) with Him in the moment, fully seeing them, fully knowing them, fully communing with them, and they were healed and transformed.

Our year-long sabbatical taught Chong and me to slow down. Even though I don’t move quickly, I think I was often in a hurry. Sometimes a mom’s life is so full of responsibilities, it is understandable. For years, I felt driven by time, and I always felt I lacked time. I even said, “Time is my enemy.” Once we entered our sabbatical, I was suddenly gifted with days that were not filled with schedules and responsibilities. It is during this period that I discovered that I need great stretches of time to sit in silence, to read, reflect deeply, and journal to feel like I am me. Getting to have that time day after day for a year, especially due to COVID, was truly a gift for me. I discovered my natural rhythm. I discovered how to live my life as me.