SUFFERING AS A FRIEND AND A TEACHER
In my life, I have found that suffering often serves as a wake-up call from illusions. Suffering disrupts the facade of maintaining the status quo and superficiality. Suffering is also a matter of “when” not “if”. Suffering does not play favoritism; it hits us all with no exceptions. Thus, the question is, what do we do when we are submerged under suffering? Some of life’s most poignant and difficult questions emerge during times of suffering.
Where are You? Who are You? What are You like? Why are You silent and absent? What is this life supposed to be?
These are a few questions I have asked during my seasons of suffering. Suffering is profound mystery. No one who is experiencing suffering can ever say, “I know exactly why I am going through this.”
Yet suffering often drives us towards God or some divine being. Suffering happens when there is an absence of control or deviation from our plans. Richard Rohr’s definition of suffering is “whenever we are not in control.” The degree of suffering is directly proportional to our perception of control. Anything that is not in our control triggers the reaction of what we call suffering. Suffering’s main arena is in the mind, while pain is in the body (suffering can lead to pain and vice versa). What becomes more real is the presence of suffering than our perception of control. Our sense of control is an illusion. Suffering is real, and control is illusional.
Surrender then is the opposite of suffering. Surrender is letting go of our sense of control, which was illusional, to begin with. Surrender is about submitting to whom. This process, rooted in the reality of to whom we belong, allows us to discern whether we surrender, fight, or flight. We don’t surrender to a concept or an idea but to a Person. Surrender is also about submitting to NOW.
Being present and loyal to the present moment is one of the greatest spiritual disciplines.
This discipline is elusive for me as a type seven on the Enneagram; my mind is often fixated in the future. I (or my ego) have learned to escape suffering in the present by thinking about the future, where there is no suffering. My futuristic mind often betrays my present body. For me, listening to my body (which can only be felt in the present moment) is a required discipline of embracing the present moment and the Ultimate Presence.
Suffering
is one of the greatest and most surprising teachers of life. Learning to embrace suffering as a friend and a teacher without demanding hurried answers translates into one of life’s most unexpected fruits.
When I look back at my life, I can almost always point to my growth due to the suffering I encountered. A great spiritual truth, however way you say it is, the idea of “failing upward,” a breakthrough after hitting a wall, etc. capture similar truth. God does not and will not tempt us but He will allow suffering for reasons I don’t fully know. [This is a part of the mystery. Just think of Job.] I would think one of the reasons is that it is an essential part of the package of the inviolable freedom God grants us.
I am who I am because of suffering. I will become who God created me to be because of suffering. And it is precisely the experiences of my sufferings that can be used as gifts to others whom I meet in my life’s journey. And vice versa. . . The only requirement is that we all wear the badge of suffering. All sufferings are both unique and universal. While suffering is unique to all, it is the universal nature that binds all humanity.
The first line of Psalm 46:10 reads,
“Be still and know that I am God.”
The phrase, be still, is one word in Hebrew. According to Strong Concordance, the word רָפָה râphâh has “a primitive root; to slacken (in many applications, literal or figurative):—abate, cease, consume, draw (toward evening), fail, (be) faint, be (wax) feeble, forsake, idle, leave, let alone (go, down), (be) slack, stay, be still, be slothful, (be) weak(-en).” Be still means to cease, fail, faint, be feeble, forsake, idle, let go (especially the hand). To sink down, relax, let drop, let go, and be quiet bear what the word, be still, meant to capture. It is the posture of lowering our hands, opening up our hands (facing upward), and saying, “I am not in control anymore.” It is the posture of surrender.
The next verb, know [יָדַע yâdaʻ], is also loaded. The word know does not mean anything close to cognitive knowing. It is experiential and deep relational knowing. The same word is used for “knowing” through sexual intimacy in the Bible. It is absolutely the most intimate and personal knowing. God promises us that He will reveal Himself as we let go, sink down, and open our hands, which means we stop working and surrender. To paraphrase the verse, it can be read this way: “Let go of control and you will experience a deep personal knowing of Myself.” Or “Surrender to NOW to experience a deep intimate knowing of Myself.” Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection is the ultimate example of this verse.
To push this further, I believe that on the other side of suffering is love. God does not leave us alone with suffering, but God who is Love comes to rescue. The personal intimate knowing of God is Love in action. Invariably, this is how God woos us over again and again.
The rest of Psalm 46:10 reads, “I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” At first glance, this is an amazing leap from the first sentence. The intricate and inevitable connection between what is personal knowing and universal knowing is only what God can accomplish!