GRATITUDE

As has been the tradition in December, I would like to highlight a few poems, five poems to be exact since there are five Tuesdays. This year, I will also be sharing a few of my own, including my reflection and/or background of each poem.

If you are tracking with us physically, we will depart Korea on December 2 to the Philippines for my Opening Residency at the School of Spiritual Direction (SSD). After the residency, I was asked to preach at a church where I preached the last time I was in the country. We fly back to Malaysia only to fly to Singapore for a weekend to spend time with our friends. Starting on December 17, we will be in Malaysia. We host some people from Korea in January. Then we fly back to the US in early February until June.

My wife shared to a group of Zoom participants the other day, “We are happy because we are grateful. It is not that we are grateful because we are happy.” She was giving credit to Jim Wilder, an expert on spiritual formation and brain science, among other things. My blunt paraphrase, talking to myself, “Be grateful, dummy if you want to be happy.” The modern incessant pursuit of happiness emphasizes happiness for happiness’ sake. As such, it is easy to trace how happiness remains so elusive that it becomes an impossible and endless pursuit. When is “more” enough?

When the script is flipped and our focus is squarely on gratitude, happiness is a natural by-product with no effort necessary. When we seek and pursue gratitude at all levels, happiness comes to us as gifts. Happiness is like guests, arriving with gifts we often do not foresee and deserve. How do we cultivate the heart of gratitude? By starting from small and mundane levels of gratitude. . . Often, it is the scene or the view, from demure and hidden from our eyes to breathtaking, random, and unexpected kindness, last-ditch moments of grace, a phrase from background music, etc. How can I not be grateful for a hot bowl of Sulllungtang followed by Hotteok on a cold night? Which without failure would make me smile in happiness . . . Easily, there are thousands more examples. I am already hyping myself for forecasted snow tonight in gratefulness. . .

The preeminence of the pre-requisite of slowing down, even stopping, and paying attention is what is a necessary groundwork for cultivating gratitude. In other words, it is almost impossible to arrive at small and potentially unseen and unrecognizable moments of gratitude unless we slow down, at the very least. No wonder, this remains elusive for modern humanity whose success depends on a fast-paced life for more and more.

Then there are life-altering gratitude events being dropped on our laps. With uncalloused muscles of our heart ready to flex its muscles toward gratitude, we can effortlessly enter the grand gratitude gate. A few of those big gratitude gates we have entered this year are highlighted. How can we not be grateful for Malaysia, our more than capable home base this year, for people, its multicultural cuisine (me more than my wife), ease of travel, safety, low cost of living, guests who visited us, and most importantly, the community of friends? How can we not be grateful for new connections, friends, and the community we are now part of? How dare we forget and not be grateful toward God who prepared our way and tirelessly led us forward? How dare I forget and not be grateful for myriads of tender seeings, hearings, and touches of reality as reality enfolded, toward wonder, warmth, and mystery? How it is easy for me to be grateful for our adult children and spouses who carved out time to visit us and create memories that would last a lifetime.

Looking back, I realize there is yet one more requirement: the practice of letting go and living without entitlements. Holding on or demanding respect due to my title, experiences, or pedigree would be a death knell for I operate with the mindset that I must be thanked or honored. Gratitude would be hard-pressed or disingenuous. Entitlements function like a formidable inner fortress that needs to be demolished for gratitude to enter fully and freely. For a small example here in Korea, I find it freeing not to have a ubiquitous business card with my name on it. Whenever I meet new people, they hand me their business cards only to be reciprocated with nothing from my end. (It is not that they come across as entitled but only to highlight that the existing modus operandi is based on titles and degrees.) I crack my sheepish smile and apologize every time. Frankly, I would not know what to put on my card even if I had one. I suppose I am revolting in my small way to tell the world to get to know me beyond the card, take time, let us share our lives, and learn to feast.

In this season of harvest celebrations all over the world before the winter comes, feasting on happiness and laughter of joy can arrive once we do our part of slowing down and letting go to open the door to gratitude. Gratitude is like an unending supply of kindling that would maintain the fire to keep us warm in the “winter” of our lives.