GROUNDED

Encouraged by my wife, I picked up a good old-fashioned notebook (spiral kind) and a 0.3 mm black Muji pen and began writing with my initially reluctant but ultimately submissive hand for the last two weeks. Due to the fact that my laptop has been in the shop (though I finally got it back a few days ago), I was constrained to resort to writing in a notebook. Understandably, when my laptop went away, I was mentally lost, not knowing how to navigate life without one. Shocked may be too strong a word, but it lands close enough. This pattern of writing, trying to express the stream of my consciousness, (I can’t remember the last time I wrote this much with a pen) generates a differentiated energy, one that is surprisingly simple but rich and ancient but new, compared to using a keyboard. I am not dictating what I would write before I start writing. I start out by listening to my heart and mind, and my hand follows. It is not that I was not free before, but it certainly feels freer. For good reasons, using a pen to write and actually tracing my hand moving and the pages being filled with my own scrawl feels earthy and far more natural. For reasons hard to put into words, there is more creative energy and flow, and feels less burdensome. It is akin to a river flowing rather than swimming in a placid reservoir, not knowing what’s coming after each river bend.

We arrived in Singapore early yesterday morning. Though during my heydays I must have been to Singapore close to 20 times, I cannot remember the most recent time I was here. Like Singapore of years past, Singapore is still a uber-clean and extremely well-organized country. I feel safe here and in the sea of black-haired Asian people, I feel right at home. Then there is the sticker shock freshly coming from Malaysia. On a cursory level, almost everything is triple the cost. Once we landed, someone texted us that the sun came out to greet our arrival as it rained all week last week. Having felt welcomed, we are ready to meet and interact with our “old and new” acquaintances that feel more like friends and fellow pilgrims along the journey. 

As we are about 7 weeks into our grand trip, I counted 13 different beds so far in 9 different cities in 3 countries, not counting Vietnam. We are living our nomadic life full to the hilt. What I always imagined and desired living as digital nomads is happening in real-time. There is not much deviation or surprises from what I had envisioned before the trip except for the typical mundane challenges of living out of suitcases, doing laundry, and wanting fresh vegetables (for my wife) and a big thick ribeye steak (for me). The longest stretch in one location lasted about 3 weeks toward the very beginning of our time in Malaysia. That stretch served us well as it helped us be anchored and find rhythm in a new region. 

One of the challenges I noticed just yesterday is regarding my future fixations related to our itinerant travel schedule. The fixations have robbed (and may continue to rob) my ability to focus on the present. Anxiety, excitement, and curiosities all play dutiful roles in pulling me out of the present. The constant packing and moving and the pace of our movement trigger all the emotional qualities related to anxiety, excitement, and curiosity. Ever since my spectacular Vietnam trip failure, I have become more cognizant of travel-related details leading to a heightened sense of anxiety. Furthermore, I have learned to pay attention to my wife’s energy as her energy level drains faster than mine. Once, I dragged her around the streets of Paris trying to look for the most perfect restaurant and she ran out of steam. Paying attention to my wife’s energy level creates a healthy awareness of putting her first over my Energizer Bunny energy. (I was born in the Year of the Rabbit!) Excitement and curiosities envelope qualities of my boundless adventuresome and risk-filled spirit. I know I think ahead and anticipate what’s in the future too much to a point that I am far from being grounded in the present. At a very mundane but real level, when my wife and I were in Penang, Malaysia just last week where all the great culinary food seemingly originated, we would be eating something delicious, but I am already thinking ahead as to what I can eat at the next meal and tomorrow’s meals. On one afternoon, I took my wife along the culinary journey of consuming Char Kuey Teow, Curry Laksa, Cendol, Prawn Mee, and Oyster Omelet. All after 5 pm! I finished most of these dishes by myself with very little help from my wife. It was a good thing the portions were small. But I was full until 11 pm. . . 

What can be tricky is establishing a rhythm that works on the fly. Losing my laptop forced me to create a rhythm that I did not expect or am accustomed to. Writing in a notebook with a pen where I can see my hand moving and my own handwriting dictates my mind to travel at the speed of my handwriting. I let my mind wander and let my pen lead to capture what my heart wants to express. It is a new discipline and a rhythm where I begin to see the benefits of being grounded and connecting to the present moment. 

On the one hand, my mind slows down to match the speed of my handwriting. On the other hand, there are times when my pen cannot keep up with my mind’s speed. But I am learning that my pen is the master, and my mind is the servant, contrary to the expected. In this way, the present is the master that impels my futuristic mind to engage in the present, pulling me down to the earth to join the body and touch the ground. I know I need this as the ground bears constant and faithful witness to my earthly steps. In order for me to access “free as the sky,” I need to learn the lesson of touching the ground.