LOVE IS A MIRROR
Last week, I was invited to give an all-day lecture at a missionary training center in Seoul. The director whom I have had a few opportunities to sit down and hold conversation in recent years agreed rather enthusiastically on the topic I suggested: my life journey and lessons learned. Encouraged by the director’s response, I looked forward to what God had in store for us. I left the house well before 6 in the morning and arrived close to 8. After fully waking myself up with Starbucks Americano and breakfast sandwiches (as most cafes do not open until 10 or 11 am), I was ready for the full day.
After a short but embarrassingly auspicious introduction, I was given the “mic” to lecture until 4:30 pm. Before I shared my life’s journey in less than twenty short minutes, I invited them to pay attention to my story not as a window merely looking into my life to learn what they need to learn, but as a mirror to “read” and reflect on their journeys. A few days ago, I requested the director to create a seating arrangement in one big circle. There were roughly 20 people, half were brand-new recruits and the other half were experienced workers. After painting a broad sketch of my life journey in words, I facilitated the next two hours going through a series of questions for them to examine their lives from past to present and to project into the future. They were given time to reflect individually and to share in pairs and large groups.
From my vantage point, they were wide-eyed, lively, and engaged. Lively and engaged because it involved their own stories. Using the familiar and yet unfamiliar concepts of “imago dei” and loving oneself as introductory foundations, generous permissive space was created for them to own and explore the depths of their beings. While it was not the first time for them to “review” their lives, I projected that missions most likely flowed out of denying or even “hating” oneself rather than both loving the world and loving oneself. Or at least, that was the case for me. The concept of denying oneself in the Bible has more to do with denying false desires and pursuit of false selves rather than loving one’s true self. We all are part of the world God loves. Nobody sits outside of the world God loves as if one does not need God’s love. Thus, there is ample room for loving the world and loving ourselves. We do not and must not pick one over the other.
There were also eyes of honest and curious skepticism, I sensed. Questions were raised about the relationship between pursuing the desires of one’s heart and the important role of a community whether it is a church or other faith community one belongs to. In so many words, I tried to encourage and give permission, as if I could, for the people to put a heavier emphasis on focusing on one’s vocation stemming from the heart. The natural tendency in Korea is to put more weight on the community to the detriment of individuals’ pursuit of discovering authentic selves. The downside of the collectivistic mindset nulls and numbs people into faceless and un-unique beings. Conformity and love can never coexist. Conformity imprisons while love frees. Conformity builds and protects while love gives and empties. Conformity is a powerful shaping tool in the hands of a tyrant or even an ignorant wannabe saint. Love is a powerful creative energy in and by the One who is nothing but love.
Ultimately, we cannot and should not divide the pursuit of our true selves apart from the community. I exist because the community does. The community exists because I do. The relationship between “I” and “we” (however we define it), is not a matter of balance, but integration. I rely on Thomas Merton yet again. To Merton, “community” is as expansive as humanity. I am not only a member of the community I belong to, but an integral and indispensable member of the entire world community. I find this concept mysteriously generous and viscerally enticing. Carl Rogers’ dictum of “What is most personal is most universal” rings true. I do not have to try to connect with the world. I already am since I am a human being.
I MUST look for my identity, somehow, not only to God but in other men. I will never be able to find myself if I isolate myself from the rest of mankind as if I were a different kind of being.