“BEING AT HOME, BECOME LIKE, AND REMAIN AS”

The second step is to become like. This step has so much to unpack. My wife, who is a spiritual director, embodies this extremely well in my humble opinion. She has written a short piece of what her spiritual direction is like in an online publication. She has titled it a “A Sacred Space of Love.” I would like to share It below.

Although the ministry of spiritual direction is gaining recognition and acceptance, it is a mode of spiritual help and guidance that is not yet broadly embraced or sought out, especially among Protestants. Spiritual directors are guides or companions more than directors. As such, spiritual direction can be viewed as a misnomer, which may lead to the misunderstanding of this ministry. Spiritual direction is distinct from other modes of helping ministries, such as counseling or coaching, although there are areas of overlap.

One important distinctive of spiritual direction is that it is evocative or non-directive. Spiritual direction is first and foremost a ministry of presence and deep and holy listening. It is not goal oriented. The director provides the hospitality that is a safe space for the directee’s soul to show up in all of her glory. E. E. Cummings said, “We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch.” A spiritual director is that someone who listens deeply, so the directee can experience the sacredness of her being and her story. I am often reminded of Henri Nouwen’s definition of hospitality as I practice spiritual direction. “Hospitality means primarily the creation of free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend . . . Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place.” This is a beautiful description of the art of spiritual direction.

Another important facet of spiritual direction is that it is content to move slowly. The cycle of spiritual direction sessions is usually monthly. It is not aimed at bringing quick solutions. Rather, the director and directee together listen to the Spirit to discern God’s presence and activity in the directee’s life. God’s movement is always a movement of love. As such, this work cannot be rushed. In his book, The Three Mile an Hour God, Kosuke Koyama says, “Love has its speed. It is a different kind of speed from the technological speed to which we are accustomed. It goes on in the depth of life at three miles per hour. It is the speed we walk and therefore the speed the love of God walks.” Spiritual direction, therefore, is a slow and patient art and discipline.

This slow and sacred space of spiritual direction allows the directee to listen deeply to her own soul and hear the invitation of God toward love. Transformation takes place within this sacred space of love.

Her last sentence of how transformation takes place within this sacred space of love is what we have experienced repeatedly in our group spiritual direction sessions. Though overly simplistic, the very act of becoming like is essentially the enacted dedication to creating the sacred space of love and hospitality. The dissemination of knowledge-driven spirituality, where correction and overcorrection are often practiced, has been overvalued and overrated for too long. Knowledge does not change people. Information does not change people. Transformation happens when people develop the ability to listen to their own souls (where God speaks) and discover their own answers to their own questions. It is a profound solitary and interior work of discovery in the context of loving communal space.

The etymological Latin root for educate is educere, which is to “draw out”—alluding to the process of drawing from within. Here is one more fine quote from Herbert Alphonso in his book, Discovering Your Personal Vocation.

“In the field of formation or education or pedagogy, it is axiomatic today to affirm that what radically forms or educates a person is not “input” from the outside, but the releasing or liberating or drawing out of the rich inner resources that reside within that person.”

Correspondingly, Chris Lowney, in his readable book, Heroic Leadership, describes how “the early Jesuits invented an array of tools and practices to mold self-aware recruits.” This practice of self-awareness is a necessary precursor to the process of drawing from within. In describing the founder, Ignatius of Loyola, and why young people were drawn to him, Lowney writes, “the self-awareness he [Loyola] had won was ultimately what drew others, even Europe’s finest, to him.” Lowney continues, “Loyola’s core appeal was not his own leadership traits—it was his ability to identify and unlock others’ latent leadership potential.” Lowney also describes how Ignatius learned that “the switches were inside” of every young recruit. He could not and would not have taught people to run their lives simply with his input. Ignatius functioned more as a facilitator and an “alongsider” than an expert teacher.

Lastly, there is the stage of “remain as.” One might say this is the fortunate reversal of the infamous last verse of the Book of Judges, “everyone does what is right in their own eyes,” not as a detached, unaware, and sinful state of being but as an integrated and wholesome state. Not only does an individual have permission to be oneself (and thus does what is right in one’s eyes as a natural outflow), but it is a celebration of God’s incarnational love in action displayed through each being. When everyone is able to remain as oneself, we are closer to witnessing the full array of God’s intended magnificent creation.

Then the movement—from being at home, to become like, to remain as—continues. As we learn to remain as and “be at home,” we are invited to become like others around us. We must live as who we are; at the same time, we also must die in order to become like and love others. Could this be what inherently and ultimately meaningful incarnational life looks like?