A RESTLESS SOUL

I am currently working on a book in Korean. No. I am not writing in Korean. It is being translated from English. The process of publishing a book in Korea was accidental and providential. In some ways, it is almost like “coming home.” I am excited for the opportunity mainly out of hope and desire in being helpful to Koreans who are “asking, seeking, and knocking.” The book is basically a compilation of my previous blog entries arranged and edited in four different chapters: Loving God, Loving Oneself, Loving our Neighbors, and Communion.

I would like to share my preface to the book this week. This is an unedited version and may change in due process. Thank you for reading.

I am a restless soul.

A few years ago, as a middle-aged man adorned with a shaved head and a goatee, I visited my old elementary school, Chu Gye Elementary School in Bukahhyundong in Seoul, Korea. I attended the school from 1969 to 1974, age 6-11. I was giddy with excitement to revisit my old stomping ground where I thought I “ruled the world.” After wandering around the ground and soaking in the flood of memories of my innocent and happy days, I gingerly walked into the school record room and wanted to engage with someone who was willing to hear my meandering of memories. I quickly found my unfortunate victim, and she kindly went along with my story. Almost as an escape, she asked me whether I would be willing to say hello to the principal of the school. I nodded my head somewhat hesitantly not knowing what I got myself into. The principal walked out of his office just as puzzled. As soon as I saw his face, I remembered him! He was one of my teachers while I was a student. He was young then, and I was really young. As he also recognized me which surprised me, we exchanged pleasantries, and he asked me whether I wanted to see my old school record. “Of course,” I said. What caught my eye was not my grade point average (which was equivalent to C- at best if not D+). The comment section was filled with my teachers’ evaluations of me for 6 years. One thing that was consistent was the repeated comment about my being “scattered” and my lack of ability to focus and pay attention. I didn’t know it then, but I probably had ADHD. I busted out laughing both at my GPA and the comments. The president and the lady also busted out laughing. It was a good day. 

Being scatter-brained is a trait that has not left me. As an Enneagram type 7, I know I have a “monkey mind,” jumping from one thought to another in quick succession. Over time, this scatter-mindedness has led me to discover that I am a restless soul on a deeper level. I am a restless soul seeking understanding and answers to the meaning of life.

A few of my life’s fundamental restless pursuits include seeking answers to: What is God like? Who am I? What is humanity? And how are these things related, if at all?

True to my scattered brain and my restless soul, this book is primarily a collection of short essays of reflection based on the questions above—my story—the life that is certainly more graced than graceful. I am a Korean American, so I perceive and interpret reality and life based on my unique cultural makeup as well as from my imperfect theological lens. This book also contains my musings, not a dishing out of pat answers or platitudes, but more raising of questions. This book is not systematically structured for me to answer the questions I have raised. It is about my own hints, guesses, and intuitions about my own spiritual journey, which is my natural human journey, and my natural human journey, which is also my spiritual journey. I move and experience life this way, and my writing reflects the tendency. It is a collection of sketches, meditations, and the “reading” of my human and spiritual life. I am fully aware that for some people, this book may be too ethereal, too free-flowing, and provides no firm landing points (i.e. applications), which may lead them to shy away from the book. This book, as a collection of short essays, may best be read with open, transparent, and seeking hearts, not with analyzing minds searching for practical answers. When it seems that I am writing to offer answers, please know that they are merely suggestive based on my own journey. In short, I write descriptively, not prescriptively. 

I am a pilgrim on a journey, unrepeatably unique to who I am and how God created me but also on a pilgrimage along with countless other pilgrims, too many to count. As a pilgrim, I got lost numerous times, fell flat on my face, knew deep hunger, faced dangers and hurts, witnessed mountain top panoramic breathtaking views, walked along the dark path, found joy in small wonders, and met other pilgrims along the journey. Thus I write as a pilgrim to and for fellow pilgrims. As such, we may naturally converge and dialogue on some reflections and musings and digress on some others. 

As pilgrims, I imagine that we are not unlike the two disciples walking on the Emmaus Road, talking, discussing, and trying to make sense out of what has happened and is happening with The Reality. Then Jesus suddenly appears and joins us in the journey, though we don’t notice Jesus right away, asking questions and talking with us! I hope what happened to the disciples also happen to us: “Suddenly, their eyes were opened, and they recognized him (Jesus).” (Luke 24: 31) “And they said to each other, ‘Didn’t our hearts burn within us as he talked with us on the road and explained the Scriptures to us?’” (v. 32) Notice the word suddenly. Our habitual tendencies toward planning and prescription are often met with holy spontaneity and shock of Jesus, urging us to relinquish what we used to hold onto before. Eyes opening, recognizing Jesus, and hearts burning during our life’s journey are all common experiences of pilgrims!

Chong Kim

Having led a fairly comfortable and sheltered life in Seoul, Korea, until my father’s business spectacularly failed, my parents decided to immigrate to the U.S. in 1977. I was 14 years old at the time. 

I found Christ during my first year at college. To be more precise, Christ found me.

Freedom is at the core of who I am and what I long to see becomes a reality on earth for all to be who God created them to be without someone (or something) forcing them to be who they are not. 

After serving over 30 years as a missional thinker and activist at Frontier Ventures, previously known as the U.S. Center for World Mission, I am finding myself longing to slow down, create space to live out my contemplative nature, and deepen my pursuit towards true self and freedom. I am seeking a new kind of activism driven by my great desire to create safe space to live authentically.

I approach this book as a platform to share my interior faith journey—riddled with dark valleys and high peaks and uneasy questions and answers and ultimately the ongoing process of shedding my false self and discovering my true self. I hope my journey will resonate with pockets of people who are seeking to live this life as God’s Kingdom citizens—as beloved sons and daughters.

I can easily be spotted at a good coffee shop with a good book (too many good coffees in the world to try them all! Sigh...). I love to watch Phil Rosenthal’s Somebody Feed Phil and the Korean Begin Again series and bleed purple and gold (go Lakers!). I am happily married to my wife, Grace, who is a spiritual director, and we have 4 wonderful adult children. Our family values that we have shaped over time are freedom, fun, and safe space.