A BRAND NEW SUIT

My wife and I have been shopping for a brand-new suit for me. I cannot remember the last time I purchased one. I hold a pretty vivid memory of wearing a suit and tie every Sunday for church in the early 1980s. Times certainly have changed, further compounded by COVID. It was not long ago that Nordstrom Rack had a pretty big selection of men’s suits. One can understand my small shock that where the suits once were there were socks, undershirts, and underwears. The suit section shrank to only three racks and was pushed aside to a corner. Oh well, whatever. Someone told us to try Macy’s. We had better luck there. After trying on more than a dozen different kinds of suits (from skinny, to slim, to modern, and to classic fits), I chose a dark blue modern-fit jacket and pants. It is clever marketing to name “classic” to mean something other than skinny and slim, I mused. And what in the world does “modern” mean? Am I not a modern man? Again, whatever. .

The special occasion is none other than my second daughter’s wedding which is 5 days out. Surprisingly, I am holding myself very well, knowing I am about to “send off” my princess. I vividly remember listening to Bob Carlisle’s "Butterfly Kisses" in a random parking lot in Chicago when my princesses were barely 5- and 2-year olds. I promptly broke down in a full burst of uncontrollable tears, anticipating “losing” the girls to some random guys. I still cannot listen to the song without tearing up. . .

Predictably, when Hannah’s fiancé, Jeremiah, came to ask if he can date her a couple of years ago, I knew I was protective of my daughter. While I admired the courage of Jeremiah to come and ask, I also knew I would not want to be in his shoe, knowing how lukewarm I was to him. I can tell this story now because Jeremiah won me over with his love and dedication to my daughter, and I have seen how good he is to Hannah. Jeremiah is a solid man of God who loves God. I am very proud of welcoming him into the family. They look great together. I’ve been impressed with how they communicate with each other, in big and small matters. What more do I want as a father of the bride? I am ready to hand my daughter’s hand over to Jeremiah. 

Love is letting go and releasing someone to be who they are, who they are born to be and do. I would never dare to control Hannah or Jeremiah, but to be fully who they are meant to be. Love is also bearing burdens. Looking at my own life, they will go through different shapes and sizes of challenges and difficulties. While not controlling or being possessive, I as a parent will continue to bear and/or share burdens with them and their future. Love is cheering, cheering for shared joys and accomplishments. I know I will cheer for my first grandchild and their many other “first fruits” as a couple and family. I will cheer for them to simply continue to journey and to be faithful to the process of life, which is the same as being faithful to God. Love is hovering around like a “guardian angel” to protect and guide anonymously and secretly, and not as a helicopter parent, waiting to pounce and punish. I realize that these are all tangible qualities I have experienced of God as a parent in relating to my own life. As who God has been in my life, I merely want to replicate being a small god to Hannah and Jeremiah. 

I was leafing through Hannah’s baby and childhood album, savoring, and celebrating her life from a tiny baby in my arms, minutes after her birth, to a girl who is now taller than me (though I may continue to deny it, as I try to stretch myself standing next to Hannah). She is taller than me figuratively too because she is so mature and knows herself so deeply compared to when I was her age. She has all the tools to make life worthy and meaningful together with Jeremiah. 

There is no telling how I will be walking down the aisle with Hannah as I have not gone on this road before. I might be fighting back my tears, which would not be bad. But then, I might lose all my bearings and break down and crumple down on the floor. This is not whatever. I gotta get my bearings, I am telling myself, at least not until the wedding is over. . .

All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

She'll change her name today.
She'll make a promise and I'll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.

She asked me what I'm thinking and I said
"I'm not sure-I just feel like I'm losing my baby girl."
She leaned over
Gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
"Walk me down the aisle, Daddy-it's just about time."
"Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don't cry"
Oh, with all that I've done wrong I must have done something right.
To deserve her love every morning and butterfly kisses
I couldn't ask God for more, man this is what love is.
I know I gotta let her go, but I'll always remember
Every hug in the morning and butterfly kisses...